This morning, at the peak of the rush hour, San Francisco was attacked by a creature of monstrous size and appetite. Hundreds, perhaps thousands are dead or dying.
Children stare in horror as the Duck moves close to shore
The scene just before the massacre
USCGC Waesche (WMSL 751) attempted to stop the behemoth, but its six pound 57mm projectiles, were according to her captain, “Like water off a duck’s back.”
No one is sure where the feathered horror came from. Scientists speculate that global warming may have released the monster from a glacier’s icy grip. Fox news contends that it is an Islamic Suicide Duck (ISD). MSN reports that it is a product of Disney Studios, an artificial intelligence enhanced animatronic attraction gone terribly wrong.
No one can say where the Demonic Duck will strike next. Meanwhile, Phil Robertson of A&E’s “Duck Dynasty” has been called in as a consultant, as the National Command Authority considers the nuclear option. The Department of Homeland Security has approved a $2M grant to rebuild the San Francisco Fire Department gym destroyed in the attack.
Chuck Hill's CG Blog 
It was only a matter of time before the lack of a torpedo or missile came back to haunt the Coast Guard. 57mm was not adequate to deal with the demon duck.
The DHS has $1.6B available for grants. http://www.fiercehomelandsecurity.com/story/dhs-releases-guidance-16-billion-funding-opportunities-states-tries-local-g/2015-04-02
I wonder if the Coast Guard could apply?
Saved by the Brig USS Niagara. https://gooferie.com/2016/09/08/errant-cannon-fire-from-niagara-deflates-worlds-largest-rubber-duck/